I am sort of in denial of the fact that I ever even reach the point of REM sleep these days, but I must, because I'm having dreams, extremely vivid dreams, some of which could be classified as nightmares. A few nights ago I had a dream that I was horrible at being a mother. I wanted to be good at it and I was trying so hard, but I just simply was bad at it. It seemed no matter what I did it wasn't enough, or was just flat out the wrong thing to do. At one point during the dream I suddenly exclaimed "oh no, the baby is outside!" and then proceeded to go pick up my crying baby from a puddle in the pouring rain. He was swaddeled all nice and tight and had a hat on his head to keep him warm, so as you can see I was obviously trying to do good things, but that didn't counteract the fact he was lying soaking wet in a puddle. I'm sure the dream came from a few of the fears I've been having lately, namely that
1.) I am not going to bond with my baby
2.) I really am going to be bad at it seeing as I don't have a clue what I'm doing
3.) I am going to suffer from post pardom depression
With that, I suppose I shouldn't read too much into the dream as the very same night I dreamt that Pat was standing at the vaniety rubbing toothpaste all over his belly. I have no analysis of, or reasoning behind that one.
Don't worry- you are going to be a great mother!
ReplyDeleteI agree, you will be great! I made so many mistakes trying to figure out what I was doing with Caleb, but he is turning out just fine and won't remember any of the dumb thngs I did when he was a baby LOL. Also, post partum depression is nothing to be ashamed of if you do have it. I suffered for months after Caleb was born because I was too embarrassed to talk about it. Once I went to a doc and got on a good antidepressant thngs got much better!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was pregnant with my first (and at this point I thought it was a boy) I had a dream that I didn't know what to do with my baby when I had to go to the bathroom, so I hung her up by her pink overalls on the hanger on the back of the bathroom door. Hehe. Pregnancy dreams are crazy.
ReplyDeleteThere are a couple things I learned:
1. bonding with your baby may not happen right away, and it's okay. I didn't like Kate much for the first couple months of her life, because it was traumatic for me with her coming so early and being in the NICU and I was in survival, coping mode. We bonded after that, and we're great buds now.
2. Post-partum depression is real and it sucks. Getting out of the house is one of the things that really helps me. Being stuck inside all the time feeds depression. Sit outside on a blanket in a sunny spot for a few minutes and read a book or two. Go to the grocery store. After the 4 month quarantine (!!) was over with Kate, I made sure to go somewhere EVERY day. Reach out and force yourself on other mommies in your neighborhood. Krill oil also helps fight off depression - you can find it at Costco. It's like fish oil, but more potent and doesn't make you burp fish.
3. Going from the routine of work into being a stay-at-home-mom to one whiny baby is hard. There is no sense of schedule or routine for a couple months and it's a difficult adjustment.
4. If you go with Utah Valley Pediatrics, they have a nurse on call all night long, which is fabulous. You can call at 4am and not be laughed at for asking a dumb question. I used to call and ask questions all the time.