The Last 12+ Weeks

So, you may have noticed that I’ve taken a bit of a hiatus from blogging, or more than likely you didn’t think twice about it, because I’m a totally inconsistent blogger. Which ever camp you fall in, I wanted to put on the record that there is a very good reason for my silence. The last 12+ weeks I have been very busy, busy doing what you ask? Well, I've been busy growing a baby! Yes, it’s true, the Holloway’s are finally expecting, and we are thrilled about it! With all the difficulties we had getting to this point I have been really hesitant to share the news. Honestly, it still feels a bit scary, but I felt like it was time for it to be out there, because frankly, I don’t know what to tell people about my life without telling this one very huge piece of news. I will spare you all the details of my daily journal, consisting of what foods gave me morning sickness and the exact time of day I experienced it, but I will share some thoughts/experiences/realizations I’ve had over the last several weeks. I assume all of you mother’s out there already know most of these things, but they were eye openers for me.

* Knowing the exact moment you got pregnant is not a good thing. With all the fertility/hormone pills I’ve been taking I can pretty much pin point the exact moment we conceived. This made for a really long 12+ weeks. I’ve been worrying since close to day one, where most women get a least a missed period or even two before they think “hey, something might be up”

* I will now worry about this child every day for the rest of my life. I will constantly be hoping for it to have nothing but the best in life.

* When pregnant, going to bed at 7:30 (or earlier) is totally acceptable, even if you’ve already taken a two hour nap. I had no idea of how totally and completely exhausting it would be to grow another person.

* Don’t panic. Be smart and talk to your doctor when something doesn’t feel right or there are potential signs of trouble, but don’t automatically assume the worst. About five weeks in I got to work and was spotting. I immediately assumed I was having a miscarriage and became hysterical. Also, if you do become hysterical, allow one of your coworkers to drive you home, especially if you live 30 miles from work. Not the safest commute I’ve ever had.

* The term morning sickness is stupid. I’ve had my share of this sickness, and rarely did it occur in the morning. It should be called anytime of day sickness.

* The first time you hear that heart beat or see that little baby, everything you’ve been through or are going through becomes completely insignificant. It’s incredible.

* Your husband will never get it, it’s impossible for him to totally understand, so cut him a little slack. Pat is amazing and has supported me so much, but he’ll never understand the exhaustion, the sickness, and the hormones that cause crazy irritability. I need to remember to try my best to be nice to him.

* It’s the strangest feeling to wake up one morning and realize your body is no longer your own. I sleep when the baby says it’s time to sleep, I eat when and what the baby says to eat, I get sick whenever the baby gets “angry”. My body belongs to this amazing little person, and however strange, I’m happy to provide it occupancy for a time.

* I’d never even heard of pregnancy migraines, but I am painfully aware of them now. Far worse then any other symptom I’ve experienced.

* Don’t be ashamed of maternity pants, they’re awesome.

* No matter how much work I think it is to grow a baby, the little one is working a million times harder. I lay in bed some mornings and I am completely overwhelmed thinking about this little person working so hard to grow all of its little organs and body parts and amazing little features.

Last, I want to thank so many friends and family for their support, prayers and love. We have felt it and are so grateful. To those who have spent endless hours listening to my struggle and heart ache, you have no idea what it has meant to me. For the prayers from all of you, when frankly there were times I didn’t feel strong enough to pray for myself. To my amazing husband who has been there for me every step of the way, lifting me up and keeping me positive. To my Father in Heaven who carries and strengthens me. The last year and a half were hard and I spent many nights crying and feeling sorrow and now I realize what a short trial it was and through the trial I was so incredibly blessed. I know there is a long road ahead of us, but I also know that whatever is put in front of us, that we’ll come through and that is because of all of you and the amazing gift of the Gospel.