When I grow up

As a little girl if you were to have asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up, the answer would have been a mom, more specifically a stay at home mom. Motherhood was always the “grownup” goal. Even at a young age I realized there were other important aspects to this goal, for example, I knew I wanted to be an educated mom and that meant working hard in school and making good grades, it meant going to college and getting my degree so that one day I could teach my children and help them to understand the importance of an education, so this is exactly what I did. Then came that great day when I graduated from college. I was so proud of my accomplishment, yet it also came with the realization that I was now officially a grownup and I was nowhere close to becoming a mother. I had no children, husband, or even a boyfriend. I realized I needed a Plan B, and this was scary and challenging. I figured the first step to moving into adulthood was the ability to provide for myself, so I found a job. It wasn’t the ideal job, but it paid well for a young girl right out of college and it was after all only a job until the real plan of motherhood became a viable option. After about six months at this job I realized I needed more than just a job, I needed a career, a way to provide for myself for the long term. I felt completely immobilized. I had never thought about a career, something to do for the rest of my life other than motherhood, I was lost. As luck would have it I found a job in my current field and quickly realized that this job had the ability to be more, to be my career. I enjoyed what I was doing and saw there were opportunities, so just as I had done with my education I worked hard and was able to turn my job into my career. Over the years I advanced myself both in pay and position, taking on new titles and new responsibilities. I realized I was good at having a career and for the most part really enjoyed it. I still hadn’t lost sight of the desire to be a mom, but I loved the sense of accomplishment that came with providing for myself and reaching career goals. After a number of years, I met my husband, and the opportunity for Plan A became a bit more of a reality. My husband was extremely supportive of my career, but also of the goal of motherhood, so together we started working on Plan A. It turned out motherhood wasn’t as simple as deciding I wanted a baby. I once again found myself working hard for my goal, doing whatever the doctor asked of me. Then in March we found out we are finally going to have a baby. I am going to be a mother. I am ecstatic. Finally this lifelong goal of being a stay at home mom is going to happen. At first thought choosing Plan A was so obvious, it is the “A” plan after all, and doesn’t that make it the first and the best plan? But wait a second, what about Plan B? The career that I’ve worked so hard for, that I’ve cared and nurtured over the last seven years of my life, can I really just let this plan die? I once again find myself scared. I don’t want to seem ungrateful, because trust me I am immensely grateful for this little boy we’re about to welcome into our family and that I have a husband that is going to be able to support our family and allow me to stay home, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to be mourning the loss of my career. If nothing else I am certainly mourning the loss of my income and the changes and challenges that will present! But more than that for the last seven years my career has defined at least a part of who I am, it’s where I spend most of my time, it’s the source of my adult interactions, it requires me to continually push myself to achieve more. I am going to miss Plan B. It scares me to walk away from something I’ve worked so hard for, the realization that one day if I come back to this career path that I will likely be starting over. In a sense, I feel like I’m throwing away the last several years of my life. I do realize that there are women who either out of choice or necessity have children and career and that I am making the decision to be a stay at home mom, but it certainly isn’t as easy of a choice as I thought it would be. I look forward to the new experiences, opportunities and challenges that come with Plan A, but for now I’m taking a moment to mourn the passing of Plan B.

Two-Thirds

Well folks, I am happy to report that I have officially reached the third trimester, 28 weeks today(!) and for the most part, feeling great. Sure I've got various aches and pains, not to mention the heartburn (oh the heartburn!) but overall I have no room to complain. Not only can I not complain, I am super grateful - I just got off the phone with my nurse and my glucose test came back fine and my blood pressure was perfectly normal at my appointment today (it's been a bit high at the last two appointments). I can hardly believe I'm saying this, but I'm really loving this phase of pregnancy. I love the little kicks and hiccups and am kinda in love with my growing belly! At least when it's covered, uncovered it's pretty yucky and already covered in stretch marks, but I figure no one really saw my stomach before pregnancy, so it shouldn't matter too much. Here's hoping that the third trimester is as kind to me as the second was! Just 12 weeks to go and our little boy will be in our arms. Hurray!

Night Owl?

Lately I feel like Dylan has been super quiet during the day - to the point it's concerning. I will sit and poke/push/pat my stomach trying to get him to respond, and I may get a kick or two, but not much. That being said, the last few nights I've woken up and he's in there going to town! Does this mean his sleep cycle is already backwards?? I know I'm in for a lot of sleepless nights, but this night time movement is making me nervous for what the coming months may hold!!

That being said, two nights ago he woke me up with my first baby hiccup experience

and I was so totally in love!

Baby Boy Updates

7/18 - As my alarm went off this morning, I painfully pulled myself out of bed and got into the shower. I was not feeling much more awake after my shower and in my normal lazy way I sat down on the ground to dry my hair. Once my hair was dry I decided it was impossible for me to stand up and get ready, I was just too sleepy, so I laid down on the floor. Suddenly as I was laying there I felt a tiny "pop" in my belly, almost like a bubble. I laid still for another minute and then came another "pop"! It suddenly dawned on me, I had just felt my baby move! Needless to say, I stayed laying on the floor for quite some time after that trying to encourage some additional "pops", consequently making me quite late for work! I only got the two small "pops" that morning, but in the weeks that have followed there have been times where my belly feels a little something like this… "POP, pop pop POP pop" Oh how I love feeling this little guy move around in my belly!

8/1 - Today we had a follow up ultrasound. At the initial ultrasound they couldn't get a clear view of Dylan's* heart, so they just wanted to take another look to make sure everything is okay. To our relief, everything looks great. They were able to see all four chambers and confirm he's looking good. I love every chance I get to look at our little boy. Towards the end of the ultra sound we were looking at his face when Dylan started yawning sooo big, then stuck out his tongue and yawned again. It was the most incredible thing. I couldn't stop giggling and crying at the same time. Somehow seeing those tiny baby yawns just made everything seem that much more real. Our little sleepy boy just growing away, getting ready to join our family. As we drove home from the appointment Pat made the comment, "we made that together, it's our greatest project to date." We love you little boy and can't wait to meet you, but we'll be patient as you still have some serious growing to do!

*Name subject but not likely to change

Quite the cook

Dear Friends,

On Friday we decided to have an "easy dinner" and do breakfast. I cooked some french toast, sausage and hash browns. On Saturday Pat informed me it's the best meal I've ever made him. I was and am so embarrassed. So, if you happen to read this, please send me some cooking tips and/or your favorite recipe, I clearly need the help!

Signed,

Domestically Challenged

My big day!

While I know most everyone at this point knows my news, I thought I should write an official blog documenting how I celebrated my 29th Birthday! I spent my birthday (or at least part of it) at the doctor's office, having my first official ultra sound! I personally thought it was the perfect birthday present I could get and honestly the only thing I asked for. My dear doctor agreed to let me have it a few days earlier then normal so it'd be on my big day. I am excited to report that my "motherly instinct" was correct and IT'S A BOY! The second the technician pointed out his little boy part I got all teary eyed and then couldn't stop the rest of the visit. It was the most incredible thing to see all his little body parts and get confirmation that his organs are growing and developing just as they should! After the appointment we packed up the car and headed to Boise to celebrate the rest of my birthday weekend! It was a great great day and I am so excited to meet my little boy in the next several months! 29 is going to be great! Happy Birthday to Me!

*not the most attractive photo ever, but that's my 20 week baby bump

and one very goofy but proud papa*

Pat's Birthday in Bean Town

For Pat's Father's Day/Anniversary/Birthday Present I decided to "surprise" him with a trip to Boston. The plan was to tell him on our anniversary and then actually be there on his birthday, but I'm horrible at keeping a secret, so it didn't quite work out that way! I did manage to spend all the money for the trip without telling him!

Day 1 - After a very early morning (woke up at 4) and a very long airplane ride, we arrived in Boston and managed to get a very cranky very deaf cab driver. Even with his profanity we refused to let it bug us, because we had finally made it and it was clear even from the cab that Boston is a beautiful city! We stayed at the Marriott Copley which attached to two very high end shopping centers. When we arrived we decided to walk over to Fenway Park and for the record, I totally underestimated how out of shape, pregnant, and tired I was! I was very thankful to make it back to the hotel and rest up for day two.

Day 2 - The second day was Pat's birthday and the reason for the entire trip - to go see the Red Sox play! Sadly the day was pretty rainy (as was the rest of the trip) but we still managed to get to Fenway and see 90% of a baseball game. The game took six hours with all the rain delays, and the Sox ended up losing but neither of us minded, we were at Fenway and it was awesome! We bought plenty of Red Sox gear and of course stadium food - it was a pretty great day!

Pat enjoying is sausage sandwich on Yawkey Way!

Sitting in our awesome covered seats at the stadium

and the only picture we took of the two of us the entire trip!

Day 3 - On the third day we toured the city and managed to figure out the subway system! Our first stop was at Flour Bakery and it was delicious! We then headed downtown to check out some historic Boston sites. We saw the State House, the site of the Boston Massacre, Quincy Market and Faneuil Hall. We loved all the old historic buildings mixed in with the new and modern. As I said before, Boston is a beautiful city!

Day 4 - By day four we were both pretty tired and Pat had come down with a cold, but we didn't let that hold us back. We jumped on the subway and headed over to Harvard. Such an amazing beautiful campus. I loved just hanging around and being in the college environment, for a brief moment (very brief) I wished I could go back to school!

Day 5 - This was our last day in Boston, but we had a pretty late flight, so we managed to see the Boston library, Trinity church and take the duck tour. We really should have done the duck tour on the first day so we had a better idea about the city, but it turned out to be the perfect way to spend those last few hours where we had to be out of the hotel but it was much too early for our flight!

Overall it was a great trip and we look forward to going back one day to catch an entire Red Sox series next time!